They call it silverware, but it’s not really silver. Stainless steel, actually. Iron, alloyed with carbon and a little chromium. The iron in this piece of cutlery – a salad fork – had not always been such. No, it had been a meteorite, and then an ingot, and then a sword. The sword was lost below the waves of a lake, where many years later it was found by a surprised fisherman, who sold the rusted mass for scrap. It then passed into the possession of Hiram Wild, the fork’s manufacturer.

Long story short, you’re the right-born King of England.